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Santa Claus Jokes

Now that were getting close to Christmas, I'd like to share with you some funny jokes I found about Santa [:o)]. Hope you'll like them


An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $20 bill. Which one picked it up??
Santa! The other two don't exist!

What do the elves call it when Père Noël claps his hands at the end of a play?
Santapplause!

What do you call a kitty on the beach on Christmas morning?
Sandy Claws!

Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants?
Elephanta Claus!

Why does St. Nicholas have a white beard?
So he can hide at the North Pole!

What do you call Santa when he has no money?
Saint "Nickel"-less!

What smells most in a chimney?
Santa's nose!

What do you call someone who doesn't believe in Father Christmas?
A rebel without a Claus!

What does Santa like to have for breakfast?
Mistle-"toast"!

Why does Santa take presents to children around the world?
Because the presents won't take themselves!

What does Santa use when he goes fishing?
His north pole!

How do we know Santa is such a good race car driver?
Because he's always in the pole position!

How does Père Noël take pictures?
With his North "Pole"-aroid!

Where does Father Christmas go to vote?
The North Poll!

What do you call Saint Nick after he has come down the chimney?
Cinder Claus!

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish!

Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?
Because he is an elf-made man!

What goes oh, oh, oh?
Santa Claus walking backwards!
How many chimneys does Saint Nick go down?
Stacks!

What does Santa get if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobic!

What would you call Father Christmas if he became a detective?
Santa Clues!

Who delivers Christmas presents to cats?
Why, Santa Paws of course!

The 3 stages of man:
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus.

What is Father Christmas's wife called?
Mary Christmas!

Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney?
Because it soots him!

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem!

A man went to his psychiatrist and said,
"What's wrong with me? I'm afraid of Santa."
The psychiatrist said, "You must be Claustrofobic."

After Christmas Thought
A few days after Christmas, my six year son and I were talking. He asked, "Mom, is there a Santa Claus?"
"Well, what do you think?" I asked him.
He replied, "Well, my Playstation that I got and my gift from Santa were wrapped in the same kind of wrapping paper." He thought for a minute and said, "I'll tell you what ... you and Dad can go on buying me presents and let's just forget we ever had this talk!"

The Claus Family
St. Nicholas is the main Claus. His wife is a relative Claus. His children are dependent Clauses. Their Dutch uncle is a restrictive Claus. As a group, they're all renoun Clauses. Santa's elves are subordinate Clauses.

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